Divorced Parents

As someone with divorced parents, I feel qualified to talk about this subject. Or at least, I need to talk about this...

I have grown up (since I was 12) not having too much expected of me. All that was expected of me was to go to school, get decent grades, and to basically not cause any trouble. Well, I must say that these expectations have caused what I now consider limitations...
Let me explain.

I am now 21 years old and am almost graduated from college. I have a part-time job. Outside of school, work, and relationships, I really don't want to do very much else. Now, you might think that this is enough. But here is my point...
Instead of my father telling me I need to do something for him, he'll ask me nicely, and often try to motivate me with money. Sometimes this isn't enough for me to want to do something for him. This pattern started years ago when I was young, and my parents had just been divorced, they both tried to be my "best friend".

So through years of "asking me" me to do things for him, and him offering money or other rewards, I am afraid that I haven't gained a proper respect for hard work. Charlie put it excellently yesterday when we were talking when he said,
"There is a certain romance with hard work and the self"

I thought, "gee, I get the point, but I wish I lived that ideology.

At some point I have to begin to take ownership of my own actions, but it is extremely difficult since I was never enstowed with real disciplines in my life.

And I get why both of my parents stopped disciplining and started befriending. They both wanted me to forgive them. But the truth is, I would have eventually forgiven them for getting a divorce and changing our family forever. At 12 years old, however, I needed something more. I needed a parent to push me, I needed a parent to piss me off sometimes, and I needed a parent who could teach me the reality of romantic work.

Now here I am today, I have forgiven both of my parents for what has happened with my family, but I am still lacking discipline. And that bad motivating continues...

(Message from my dad this morning)

"Chris, it's a beautiful sunny 60 degrees outside. If you get the time, do you think you could clean up the front yard? There are a lot of sticks all over the place, and the yard could use to be mowed. I could give you some extra spending money if you want to take a run at the yard. Also, take an inventory of your closet and see if you need any shorts, or t-shirts for this spring and summer. I could give you some more spending cash so you can buy some clothes this weekend."

Here I am, 21 years old, still lacking discipline, and my father is still trying to be my best friend.

4-wheelin

Today I got to have a whole bunch-o-fun. It was a rough day, really. I went into work at about 11:00, did about two things, then went, got some lunch, then went 4-wheelin for about 2 hours. I tell ya, that was some awesome freakin time. I forget the value of just doing something for the heck of it, it was refreshing, it was fun, it was a good time to hang with a couple of awesome guys and just have a blast. We all need to do this more often. Take some time to have a blast!

Typos

So I just realized how awful my typing is. I just read a couple of my previous posts and it looks like I cannot spell. Trust that this is not the case, I just try to type too fast and I never re-read what I write on here. I think it makes it better. It makes it seem more...raw!

Impatient Chris

So today I realized two things....

First, it's never good to tell the Senior Pastor (Cal Rychener) that he is "taking you out to lunch, dang it"...To my credit, I didn't really know I was telling him that, he just so happened to be walking in the door of the main offices here at Northwoods. Holy crap was that embarrasing??

Second, the stupid stop light on Allen road just off the interstate sucks. I just waited there for 5.5 minutes waiting for the stupid thing to turn green. There were barely any cars driving the other way too. Just me, sitting with my car in park, growing madder by the second. How impatient am I? It really is terrible. I think that stoplights should change at my command. Really, i think I would be good at controlling at stoplights in the area...I seriously had to turn the music up in my car to hear over myself screaming...how pathetic!

Lifting Weights

So I've been lifting weights consistently for two weeks. If you're reading this, you're probably laughing since I say "consistently" for two weeks. For me, that is consistent. For wahtever reason, when it comes to my body, I never have been very disciplined. But this is an area I want to be more disciplined in. It would be totaly awesome to be in better shape then I've ever been, though at this point, that seems not likely. But I'm trying. I hate working out so bad. It is painful. I cannot stand those people who say they enjoy working out. There is a reason it is called "working out". Because it's work. Okay, enough on this broing rant...

Go Cubs!

Now that I done watching college basketball (Except for the National Title game) it is now time to turn my focus to the Cubs. (I was extatic to be able to watch something other than Spring Training for a couple of extra weeks, thanks BU)

Seriously, I think for me, sports is the best outlet there is. Amidst life that can be crazy at times, there is nothing better than just sitting, not talking, not having my phone around me, and just rooting for a team to win a game. It is built within my mind and body and soul to have a passion for sports. This summer I am going to try to commit myself to using sports as an outlet...something to take my mind off of life.

That's why to me it's worth paying $30 to go to a game...We need to find something to outlet our minds and souls.

Congrats Jeremy and Nicole

I just got back from Chicago about a half hour ago. I spent the entire weekend in Chicago for my oldest brother Jeremy's wedding. That has been the reason for my short hiatus from posting, but now I am back.

But to the bride and groom: Congratualtions! It was a fun weekend!

I'm really exhausted though, it has been a long weekend. I cannot wait to get to sleep tonight...

Kickball

I just watched the nooma video Kickball. It is a video by Rob Bell that basically begs the question, "Why do I not get what I want". I think, for me, I ask this question a lot. I want something more...pretty much all the time. I want a better relationship with God, with my family, with friends, with Bethany. Now it's not that any of these relationships are bad, I just want them to be better. Or sometimes I just plain want something. Sometimes I want something and don't understand why God won't or hasn't allowed it to me.

It's so easy to ask the question, "Where is what I want?" What I often don't ask is, "What am I doing with what I have?" and "Why do I have what I have?" It's vitally important for me to understand that since life is a journey, there are going to be ups and downs, peaks and valleys, times where life is great, and times where life simply sucks. But the one thing that I want to remain constantly assured in is the fact that God is good. Life can be going terribly wrong, relationships can be going bad, but amidst all that, God is good. And He wants me to work with what He's allowed to me. I'm not saying that we shouldn't work for better things and bigger goals.

But I am saying that God allows us what He wants us to have.
And that in every situation, though maybe not understandably so, God is good.

Weekend Review

The past 5 days have been the best 5 days in a long time.

Starting with BU over Kansas
Then BU over Pittsburgh
No Big Ten Teams in the Sweet 16
2 MVS Teams in the Sweet 16

Nexus was awesome in our new room. We developed a plan to make the room seem less large and I think it worked pretty well. I think technologicially, our presenations are going to be much less "80's ish" in the near future.

BU next up against Memphis. Memphis is the most overrated #1 seed in the NCAA's. Not that this means I think we will win, but at least we got a good draw, I guess...

Stunned, but not really

Ayone who knows me knows that I cried tonight. I cried with tears of joy. All season I have watched a Bradley basketball team be inconsisitent...really pathetic at times, to incredible at times. But tonight, as a 13 seed facing a red hot 4 seed in Kansas, they had no chance. And then it happened...

77-73, led most of the way,(by double digits for about 20 minutes in the game) Tonight, I got greedy. Why not 2 or 3 more? If BUshoots the way they did tonight, and defesning the way they did tonight, not many teams in the country would beat them. Laughing yet? Just ask #13 ranked Kansas!

Now we get Pittsburgh...and we might as well win now, right?

"Jumping up and down like Hippies"

I was talking with someone who has been going to a church for a little while now and is struggling to engage in worship there. She says,

"I thought this was a "'Believer"' service, why are the people on stage jumping up and down like hippies?"

I suppose her point here is that these people don't seem genuine. They paint Christianity out to be some beautiful picture, something Rembrandt might put together. This is an interesting point. Are these people so in love with God that they want to look like "jumping hippies"? If so, then she, (along with myself and millions of others) are missing something. From the sound of it, it seems like there is no authenticity coming through these people. Christianity is not always a "pretty picture". Following God sometimes involves being physically and emotionally drained, psychologically wore down, hurt and broken. This sounds all "emo" but if Christianity is about jumping up and down week after week then I have missed the boat, and to be honest, I'm not sure I'd want to be on that one anyways.

I want to be on the boat that has people who work really hard to find God. I want to be with the people who hurt, who are broken, who don't have it all together. Because only with these people do I feel real.

Don't get me wrong, Christianity often has something to be extremely excited about. But the Journey can be long and strenuous at times. It's not about Spiritual Highs or Lows, it's more about how I connect with God on an average day. That is the true measure of my relationship with God.

Bethany

Everyone make sure to congratulate Bethany for being the girlfriend of the week this past week. She forgot I was in Alabama and thought I was in Arkansas.

No really, she's alright. She's a keeper. If she were a fish and I caught her, she would be stuffed and mounted on my wall.

Live Journals, Blogs, etc...

I've been reading blogs of many of my old friends, friends that I had when I was in High School. I can't help but wonder what is going on with them...why they are happy, why they are depressed, if they still like God, etc...

Now that the end of school is near I have to start thinking about the rest of my life and it seems to be more foggy now that it was 4 years ago. It's funny, I am growing into a much more organized, boring person. I used to be so relaxed and fun, and now I am becoming irritated by the silliness I used to act with. I don't understand it at all. I have to find things that I like all over again. I have to re-invent myself, sort of.

And it's all coming at an interesting time...as I am about to finish college, get a full-time job, I feel less prepared for the future because I am still seeking to find myself. I suppose this is normal though. I guess every stage of life has its ups and downs and time inbetween. Am I ready for the next step, wherever, whatever that is???

Bradley over Kansas, 63-59

I can't believe I haven't posted about this...maybe it's because of the relative amount of hatred I have for the selection committee who chooses the at-large teams in the NCAA Tournament. Bradley got in though, as a 13 seed...and we play #3 seed Kansas on Friday night, prime time, on CBS. Holy crapola, this would be huge. Kansas is ranked 13th in the country. Bradley....is not ranked. I will be glued to the TV this Friday night, you can count on that. In reality, I just want it to be a close game. I know BU probably won't win the game, but you never know...stranger things have happened.....

Henry VIII and fishing

It has come to my attention in recent readings that Henry VIII was a slut. Not only was he a slut, but he was a powerful king of England in the 16th century. He had several wives, several mistresses, and lots of stuff. But here is what boggles my mind. Henry was one of the more religiously moving people of that time. At that time the king of England was in charge of the church. Basically, for a long period of time, the church of England had a man whore running the show. The weird part is that this is not an all together strange occurence. When Henry was not happy with his wife, he would find a way for them to be beheaded for whatever reason he wanted. My point in all of this blabbering is that the church has come a long way since then. Not only in selecting leaders with great character, but government has become more segregated from church. On one hand this is a good thing because politicians are phony and generally immoral. (How sad a statement is that?) But on the other hand, we know god has said He will raise up Godly leaders in effect to lead this world. It seems difficult to think that this always happens because a lot of times some real schmucks get elected to different offices...

Fishing in Alabama (not Arkansas) was good this weekend. Caught a good amount of fish...nothing too huge though.

And Bethany wins the girl-friend-of-the-week award for not knowing I was in Alabama. She actually told people I was in Arkansas...at least Arkansas and Alabama are advacent states and both begin with the letter A

Phone Conversations

Why is it that I hate talking to people on the phone that I don't know? Okay, okay, so maybe hate isn't the right word here...But I struggle to speak to people that I don't know over the phone. There is something about the phone that is weird to me. I feel like a psycho path sitting with a cluny thing on my face speaking into a small microphone. I mean come on, the whole idea just seems a bit off, doesn't it? I feel totally uncomfortable on the phone with people I meeting for the first time. I hate the way my voice sounds on an answering machine. But who doesn't? I got off the phone with someone that I don't know a minute ago and I feel like a complete idiot. I stumbled through most of what I wanted to say to this person. They must of thought that I am a complete moron. Oh well.
I say we go back to the old days when we only talk to people in person. Or better yet, lets only talk to people via email. It's so weird sometimes...in the office, instead of getting up and walking over 10 minute to tell Charlie something or to ask him something, I'll shoot him an email instead. How impersonal have we gotten? I hate the fact that I don't sit down with many people to talk with them anymore. Instead I get online and as quickly as I can I write something to them. How ridiculous is this?!?!

Goin Fishin'

This week has been lost as far as blogging goes...I've been crazy busy trying to get things done before I leave on Friday morning to go fishing. I have to say, I'm excited to get away for a bit. It's weird...We work our butts off all the time, and then we just want to get away from everything for a few days. The only part that sucks is that I have to drive 8 hours to get to where I'm going. How pathetic?! I know that for me it will be a good time to refresh myself, to get energized. Fishing has a tendency to do that. For those of you who don't fish...most of the time it is slow, and usually you spend a lot of time just thinking and relaxing. If there was no one else with me it would be a great time to sit and read. But at the same time I'll have a great time hanging with Rob. And not to mention this Sunday at 5:00 (I think) I'll find out if BU is gonna make the dance or not...

Here's to hoping...

Holy Crap!!!

Bradley upends Valley #1 seed today by 8. This means Bradley is a "lock" for the NCAA Tourney regardless of whether or not they win the tournament tomorrow! That's good news because now I don't have to be so nervous I can't eat. Holy Crap!!

Bradley wins, are they in?

Today I got to watch Bradley play terrible and beat Creighton. It seems to me that all of the predictions said that if Bradley won today, then they were likely in the NCAA Tourney. Well, I'm just not all that comfortable with that. I say, let's just win tomorrow against Wichita State and make it a done deal...I hate this basketball garbage...I actually get so nervous I feel like I'm going to be sick. Oh wel, it'll all be over soon...

MIssouri Valley Conference Tournament

Okay, some people are not going to care about this...some people might care a little....

But Bradley has a terrific opportunity to play in the NCAA Tournament this year. They are currently ranked 43rd in the latest RPI rankings, (they should be higher in the next RPI release because of 2 wins last week). They have the most wins against top 50 RPI teams among all "Bubble Teams". If they can win in the first round of the MVCT this Friday afternoon at 2:30, they, in my mind, a logical one, would be set for a trip to the NCAA Tourney. Now, the Selection Committee is a bit biased to bigger, well-known school and conferences...but all you Big Ten fans listen up. The Valley will get 5 teams in this year, and if Indiana makes it in over Bradley and doesn't finish strong, it is a crime. Bradley has a higher RPI, more wins, less losses, and has won 9 out of their last 11.

Okay, moving on...